The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures
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Some comments about this we saw on the web:
* /u/ranalicious on /r/BurningMan I’m not sure how much you know about polyamory or open relationships, but many different relationship styles are represented on the playa and as such you may encounter situations you hadn’t considered. You will likely encounter topless and naked people, kissing booths, orgy camps, BDSM camps, and various other activities and events that may involve closer contact with people you don’t know (like the human carcass wash, where a bunch of strangers wash your naked body). Hugs and kisses would be the most common interactions but some people wouldn’t be okay with their partner hugging a topless girl or kissing someone else on the lips. There are plenty of websites about poly boundaries and communicating your needs and desires that can help you discuss this with your partner (even if you aren’t poly). If you have time and inclination, I would highly recommend reading The Ethical Slut, if for nothing but the parts about boundaries and reading some of the anecdotes about nonmonogamy. I also want to add that the orgy camps can be about nothing more than sex with your partner, in an area where others are also enjoying sexual activities. It does not necessarily imply any expectations about interacting with others and can be enjoyable for monogamous folks. It helps to think beyond labels and simply state what your boundaries are (i.e. absolutely no genital contact with strangers, but kissing is okay, and I’d like to try being spanked). You might also get to the burn and find yourself changing your mind when you are faced with a new situation.Another angle of the “what if” involves substance use. Do either of you enjoy partaking in certain things, and if so, are they the same things? Are you okay if either one tries something new or something gifted to you from a stranger? Is there a substance you consider off-limits for either or both of you? It’s a good idea to do some research online about things you might be interested in trying because you won’t have Erowid available there.
Spending time apart is another one. Are you okay with splitting up for an afternoon to wander by yourself or attend an event alone? Are you okay being apart while under the influence? This is complicated by the lack of cell phones for communication and the general lack of attention to what time it is, so if you decide to try something like this, meeting at sundown back at camp for dinner tends to be a good way to go. The playa is a great place for soul searching and you may have different ideas about how you would like to do that. Remember to always leave some room for changing your mind once you are there.
Burning Man and regional burn events can pose such a massive strain on relationships because they can present situations that many couples might never encounter in everyday life. I’m trying not to overwhelm you with information here but I think these are things all couples should talk about. I never even thought about monogamy as a choice until becoming involved with this community. Burning Man is much more than sex and drugs, but they are still a part of the event that should be considered.
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